Grief is a universal experience. Everyone has or may go through grief at one point in their lives. Holidays or vacations are never the same after losing someone or something so special in your life- that empty seat in your house, one less plate at the dinner table- all this can be reminders of how our lives change forever after a loss.

Before we continue, let us understand what grief is and how it affects our lives.

Grief is an acute pain we experience after loss. It is a normal response to sorrow, sadness, and confusion. More often than not grief is associated with the death of a loved one. Yet, any kind of loss has the potential to cause grief. For example, one can grieve the loss of a job, a miscarriage, a pet, good health, a breakup in a relationship, or divorce.

Grief can affect your general being- mind, body, and soul. The grieving process can be painful, challenging, and overwhelming, but you need to allow yourself to go through it so you can reflect, grow, and eventually heal.

In this blog post, we will explore the different types of grief, coping strategies, and how long grief lasts.

So, What Are the Types of Grief?

We have three common types of grief, anticipatory grief, normal grief, and complicated grief.

I. Anticipatory Grief

We often assume grief only begins after death, but in anticipatory grief, people grieve even before the actual death occurs. It affects mostly individuals who have been diagnosed with terminal illness such as dementia.

A grief like this is distinct because you will experience loss while your loved one is still alive. Understanding ahead of time that a person is going to die can be extremely painful and you may encounter feelings of shock, sadness, guilt, relief, denial, and isolation.

In advance of a death, you will grieve the loss of the person’s abilities and independence, the loss of their future dreams, the loss of cognition, the loss of hope, the loss of their identity and even your own.

The knowledge a person is about to die can cause overwhelming anxiety and dread. You will want to spend as much time as possible with them because you know not the time nor the hour. You may witness panic attacks whenever your phone rings or when an ambulance is needed. A lack of control of such situations may lead to mental and physical exhaustion.

More than that, anticipation of a loved one’s death has its advantages too, one, you will have more time to accept reality and prepare for what is coming.

For example, practical arrangements such as financial adjustments, funeral plans, Will changes, formation of a new routine, and assignment of responsibilities will be made with ease. Again, the sick person will have ample time to bid family and friends farewell, make amends, and reconcile differences.

On the flip side, it is worth noting there are situations when anticipated death may not diminish the intensity of grief after a loss, and I would say that is completely normal. We grieve differently.

Remember, to prepare for a loved one’s death is not an indication you do not love them or you wish they would die. Sometimes we have to accept an illness is terminal and recovery is no longer possible.

Hence, anticipatory grief is a vital process to help you learn to adjust to a life without this special person.

II. Normal Grief

While anticipatory grief occurs before the actual loss, normal or natural grief begins immediately after the loss has happened. In this type of grief, the loss is sudden and unexpected, and you may not have time to resolve conflicts or say goodbyes.

After the loss, you will experience a wide range of emotions. You will go through overwhelming feelings of sorrow and sadness accompanied by tearfulness and a state of emptiness.

You may feel angry towards the person you have lost for leaving you or even the medical professionals for failing to prevent the loss. During this period, you may feel numb and emotionally disconnected as a way of protecting yourself from overwhelming emotions.

Again, you may feel hopeless, and helpless and you will encounter sleep disturbances, appetite changes, and a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. Even with support from friends and family, you may feel lonely and isolated as you try to come to terms with the reality.

Going through this grieving process will honor your emotions and you will find meaning in your loss, and eventually find a sense of peace and acceptance.

III. Complicated Grief/Prolonged Grief Disorder

In normal grief, over time people learn to cope with the loss, but with complicated grief, the response to a death or loss does not easily fade. Complicated grief or prolonged grief lingers for months or years and significantly affects your ability to function in daily activities.

With this kind of grief, you may struggle to come to terms with the reality of the loss. Some of the serious emotional reactions you may experience include:

• Profound sadness. Intense sadness is the most prevalent emotion you are likely to experience in complicated grief. There will be complete emptiness, despair, and so much sorrow that doesn’t seem to diminish over time.

  Overwhelming sadness may persist for a long period, and you may grapple with hard questions about the meaning of life, and the nature of your suffering. Also, you may question your beliefs, values, and sense of identity while going through so much pain.

• Depression.Prolonged feelings of sadness and distress can trigger psychiatric complications such as major depression. Without proper intervention, complicated grief can cause chronic emotional suffering which may morph into depression signs like social isolation, sleep disturbances, worthlessness, fatigue, changes in appetite, loss of interest in activities, and even suicide.

• Yearning.There will be moments when you may have an intense desire to have the person you have lost back in life. Yearning arises from the struggle to accept a death despite the knowledge the person is already gone. And, you may have a persistent belief they may somehow return.

  You may find yourself looking at their photos and wanting to hear their voice or visiting familiar places. These thoughts can be intense and all-consuming and can trigger emotional distress.

• Suicide.The persistent preoccupation of yearning for your loved one and the inability to move on can make it challenging to find healthy ways of coping with emotional pain. Complicated grief increases the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. The intensity and duration of grief, coupled with hopelessness, may lead some to consider suicide as an escape or a way to reunite with the deceased.

How to Cope with Complicated Grief

Complicated grief can be difficult to endure. Most times it’s heavy and may feel like a continuous cycle of emotional pain. But, with proper treatment and support, the symptoms of grief may improve with time. Below are a few coping strategies which can help ease your pain:

• Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions: Don’t hold your emotions in as they can hinder healing. Give yourself permission to cry, feel angry, or experience whatever comes up.
• Take Care of Yourself: Grief can take a toll on your physical and mental well-being. Get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to strengthen your resilience.
• Allow Yourself to Be Happy: It’s okay to find moments of joy amidst grief. Don’t feel guilty for laughing or having fun. These experiences don’t diminish your love for the person you loss
• Acknowledge Important Dates: Anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays can be especially difficult. Plan how you’d like to spend these days, whether it’s cherishing memories with loved ones or creating new traditions.
• Accept Your Life is likely to Change: Losing someone can change your life’s trajectory. Embrace the possibility of growth and finding new meaning as you move forward.

While these coping mechanisms won’t completely diminish grief, they’ll help you manage it. Remember, healing takes time. There will be good and bad days.

How Long Does Grief Last?

I know you might be wondering how long will your grief last.

Truth is, grief has no set duration and may come in waves. However, research shows symptoms start to diminish at least 6 months after death or loss. Nevertheless, it’s not unusual for grieving to last several years.

That said, various factors can affect how long you grieve, including:

• Type of Loss: Not all losses are equal. The death of a child, for instance, can cause deeper and longer-lasting grief than a casual dating breakup.
• Age: Children and teenagers may grieve differently than adults. They may express their emotions less openly or struggle to understand death.
• Beliefs: Your cultural background and religious beliefs can influence how you view death and loss. Some people find comfort in traditions or the idea of an afterlife, while others might struggle with the unknown.
• Support Network: Having a strong support system of friends, family, or a therapist can be helpful. Feeling isolated can make the grieving process much harder.
• Personality: Some people are more open with their grief, while others process it internally and take longer to heal.

Therefore, take all the time you need to grieve. Slowly, you’ll learn how to cope better with the loss.

Final Thoughts

Everyone experiences grief. It’s a natural human reaction to loss with no set path or timetable. And while the pain can feel overwhelming, it’s a necessary process for healing. By acknowledging and expressing grief, we honor our loved ones and gradually learn to carry the loss forward.